The circle of life

I never thought I would say this, but… I want a God. Or rather, I want a higher purpose. I want someone or something to assure me that there is a greater plan,  that someone will take care of everything, that there is a reason for everything.

Religion doesn’t ask those questions. I do, though, and until  The purpose of life is a query properly answered I will continue to wonder.

It all just seem so pointless. Eat and sleep and laugh and cry and get up in the morning and get good grades and get a good job and retire and die and then your kids will do the same thing and their kids will do the same thing. Patterns. Mental slavery. Even if I did do something Great it would be so short, so insignificant in the long run. A blink of the cosmic eye. We don’t matter. The earth will go under, with or without us. There is certainly purpose for doing things in life, for the individual or society or planet or great grandchildren but anything larger than that there is just none.

A biologist would give me the answer that the purpose of life is to spread one’s genome, ensuring the survival of the species. And yes, I assume that is probably it. But WHY? My DNA (which isn’t mine anyway, it’s a gift or curse from my ancestors) will disappear sooner or later no matter what. We destroy the planet in our existence, but does that matter? For whom do we destroy it, other lives? Why do they need to live? Why do we need to live?

I continue to live though. I want to live. I have yet more things I want to do and see and feel, people I want to get to know, people I want to get away from.  And I guess life is in itself a purpose, I just don’t see why. It’s the same circle over and over, until there is nothing left.

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